I had a conversation recently with a very close liberal minded friend who is an outspoken and passionate advocate of every left wing position in Israel. This person came to me recently as their Rabbi very heartbroken. "My politics on Isreal are Alienating me from many of my family members and almost all of my close friends"!
"What should I do?
My response was as follows. I pointed out that when every single thing you say about Israel is harsh criticism, then you start to sound more like an enemy than a friend.
This individual after much soul searching came back to me and conceded the following. "I started to listen to myself and found that in defending my view on Israel,I got so passionately caught up in my position that I lost my own voice and found myself often almost robotically repeating slogans from people who truly hate Isreal and wish openly for its destruction.
"How did I get to this place"?
The marginalization that this person felt was not just as a result of the one dimensionality of the views themselves. It was more in the almost cult like militant tone in which the view was being conveyed.
This is a widespread issue. The "love" that some people profess for Israel Is being crushed beneath layers of strident-harsh language,and a complete and utter lack of balance.
The fact of the matter is no one has ever been able to accuse people on the right of not being loyal. Wrong on some issues ? Yes ! Misguided on some others? Perhaps. Questions about loyalty ?
Never !
I challenge you to find me a person on the right who suffers from a case of being confused with an enemy of the state.
If the left wing finds itself at a disadvantage in this argument they have one of two options.They can be bothered by this and endeavor to change this perception and image.Or they can choose to dismiss the criticism and further Alienate themselves.
If the left wing positions sound eerily familiar to the positions of some of our enemies than the onus is on them even more so to work diligently to distinguish themselves from them!
Not doing so has " I don't care written all over it".
Sometimes we need to weigh the benefits of being right over the value of losing our solidarity with one another.
Sadly these groups are failing at that. If at the end of these arguments we have so distanced ourselves from one another,we will end up with the catastrophe of having Eretz Yisroel without Am Yisroel .
One of the saddest forms of child abuse are from parents who incessantly criticize their children in the name of love.What usually gives it away is the complete absence of any positive reinforcement and praise.
I often see these this same syndromes with the critics of Isreal.
Try this experiment. Comb through their Facebook pages looking for a praise of the country,it's government,or the army.
Get back to me if you find something I'll be pleasantly surprised,but I'm not counting on it.
Also there is the loyalty factor. Imagine being in a family where there is an ongoing fight with the neighbor.
The neighbor might be right sometimes and the family member can point that out and still not compromise their family bond.
However, if what comes across is a constant identifying with the grievances of the other family-then familial credibility is at stake and the loving threads of family solidarity start to slowly unravel.
Now please don't be so quick to hurl self righteous slogans at me.My point here is not a judgment on your opinion, or your right to have one for that matter.
The issues are not always the issue!
When an opinion is hurled,and it seems more like the lobbing of a grenade than an honest and compassionate exchange of ideas-this itself becomes a bigger issue than even the biggest issue.
The way you choose to come across often times says far more about you than whatever it is you are trying to say.
If the way you are conveying your point makes it seem to someone that you have switched sides,then try and hear that with honestly and not defensively.
Let me give you an example of what I'm talking about.
At Aipac I had the honor of hearing from the head of the labor party, Mr Isaac Herzog. He radiated with a soft charm,deep intelligence,and real humility. He had a twinkle in his eye and a wry grin on his face throughout his talk.He came across as soft spoken and clever,never shouting once or even raising his voice.Most important however was how he was brimming with an obvious love for his people and for his country.
I found myself drinking in his every word,trusting him.My defense was totally down.
I was particularly taken with the brotherly banter between him and his staunch opponent Naftali Bennet. Their easy conversation despite their sharp differences was in a spirit of camaraderie,with not a shred of hostility on display.
While I certainly did not agree with many of the things he said I never questioned his loyalty or his love of Israel the way I instantly do when I read the self loathing editorials of some of Israel's leading newspapers,that are dripping with animosity contempt and bitterness.
Though these two members of Knesset are very much on the opposite sides of the issues there was never a doubt as to whether they were on the same side!
They behaved like brothers in a family.
I realized then that here is a model that some of my liberal friends should study.
A person who was secure enough intellectually not needing to shout his position.
Not needing to resort to name calling, hostility and the use of the arrogant vocabulary of certainty.
To all my dear liberal friends.The way to celebrate diversity of opinion for starters is to show respect for a differing opinion,and show love to the one expressing the opinion ,as you would to your brother or sister.
Also try mixing it up by saying some nice things about Isreal once in a while,I'm sure if you try hard enough you ll find something.
Show us your love in ways other than criticism.
Try losing the edginess.Show a drop of humility.Try saying something nice about an Israeli soldier,who puts his life on the line daily for the safety of the state.
Don't make it your lifes mission to Facebook post and tweet every single derogatory and critical piece you can find on Isreal.
Also don't leave it to your right wing friends to always defend Israel.
Surprise us!
There are people out there who openly hate us and pray daily for our annihilation.
Stop denying and ignoring that.
Call them out.
Do so Publicly.
Do so often!
Try and use the same amount of energy in praise as you do in criticism!
A pro Israel group that never or rarely defends Israel leaves itself open to a huge question mark.
Make a statement against Iran regarding the intercepted Arms shipment. Something. Anything !
Also please Show a drop of respect for Israeli politicians and leaders who actually live in Israel.
They live there.They fought there.Too many of them died there.
Bibi Netanyahu and Naftali Bennet put their lives on the line for their country!
Did you ?
Folks This is Derech Eretz 101.
While you re at it you might want to take a little break from your non stop demonizing of every one and everything that you disagree with.
If you would do this, I can promise you one thing.
You will actually find people listening to what you have to say,and not getting caught up in how you say it.
I certainly would!
With love for all my friends
Rabbi Yossi
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